


A Break from Blood

by SearchingWolf



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2017-06-05
Packaged: 2018-11-09 13:29:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11105538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SearchingWolf/pseuds/SearchingWolf
Summary: Just a small snippet of Thane and Fem/Shep after a particularly bad mission where Shepard was forced to take down a child.





	A Break from Blood

**Author's Note:**

> This is under the premise that Shepard at one point had a child that either died or was taken (whichever you prefer).

Shepard had escaped to her quarters as soon as possible after they got back in the Normandy. This mission had been a disaster and it had struck Shepard hard, close to home; she had had to kill a child. They had been on a mission to liberate a Cerberus lab where they had been experimenting on biotics, and they had gotten there in the middle of a fight. At first glance it looked as though Cerberus had been slaughtering all the kids, but as her, Thane, and Samara had closed in, they realized that one of the young girls was the one doing all the killing. 

She only appeared to be twelve years old but her body had been glowing blue and a wicked smile played across her face as she threw child and Cerberus around the room with her powers. Shepared couldn't help thinking how much this young girl had looked like her own daughter. After Shepard and her team had dispatched the remaining Cerberus troops, she had tried to get the young girl to stand down. The girl refused and had rushed Shepard, and after a short scuffle Shepard had been shocked to realize that she had shoved her knife through the girl's chest to safe herself.

A child...I just killed a child! her mind had screamed at her and it took all her willpower not to break down right then and there. They spent a few hours there until reinforcements showed up to take the remaining children to safety. Shepard had laid the young girls body down gently and folded her arms over her chest, placing a small bundle of flowers in her hands before they had left.

Samara and Thane had tried again and again to convince Shepard that she had done the right thing, that there had been no other way, but all Shepard could do was stare in silence at her blood soaked gloves. She had told Joker to head to their next destination and had immediately escaped to her room to shower and rinse the blood from her body; no matter how hard she scrubbed she couldn't seem to make herself feel clean.

Shepard stood in the middle of her room, her mind replaying the incident over and over. Her heart ached as she thought of her own daughter who had died so many years ago and she looked up sadly at the pictures she had placed around the room of her daughter. As Shepard's mind roamed back over all the files they had found at the Cerberus lab site, all the experiments that those poor children had gone through, she felt anger building in her chest. Shepard started breathing heavily as her emotions raged within her; guilt, anger, pain, sorrow for all those children and mostly for the poor child that she had had to murder, all because of what Cerberus had done to them.  
Blinded by pain, she picked up one of the chairs and flung it through the decorative glass that held the model ships she had been collecting. The glass shattered violently, exploding across the room as Shepard stood there panting.

"Shepard, I detected an impact in your quarters. Is everything all right?" Edi's voice echoed through the intercom.

"Yes, Edi, everything's fine," Shepard breathed. "Just an accident. Hey Edi? I'm going off the grid for a little bit; need some personal time. Don't call me unless it's extremely important."

"Of course, Commander Shepard. I will let you know if we need you," Edi responded, and Shepard was left in silence.  
Her quarters suddenly felt confining so Shepard hurried out the door, hopping over the broken glass, to get to the elevator. She set it for the 3rd level and leaned against the door as it went down.

When the elevator opened, Shepard hurried out of it and slipped quickly and quietly into the observation room; Samara was out for the moment, and she had always said Shepard should feel free to use the room if she needed some meditation time. The door clicked shut and Shepard took a deep breath, walking over to the window. Stars filled her view, all of them seeming to not be moving. It was nothing but black dotted with white, blue, green, and there was no other noise than the hum off the ship. Shepard leaned her forehead against the cold glass of the window and stared out for quite a long time.

When she heard the door open, Shepard didn't turn around. The person stepped up next to her but Shepard didn't look over or move.

"I remember when I first killed a child," Thane's voice purred next to her. "I went into a daze-like state for weeks, begging for forgiveness. Even now it is a memory I try to avoid reliving."

Shepard closed her eyes as she felt tears building. She tried holding them back but one spilled over her cheek despite her resistance and her body started to shake lightly.  
"How am I supposed to believe that we can win this thing when I'm forced to kill children? Wars aren't won by slaughtering innocents," Shepard said, her voice quavering, and she felt Thane's hand on her shoulder as she shook. 

"That girl…I tried to warn her, tried to get her to stop, but she just wouldn't. I feel as if her blood is soaked into my body," Shepard said, turning towards Thane as she held out her hands to look down on them. She grimaced as more tears spilled down her cheeks and she clenched her fists. "Cerberus abducts them, tortures them, and then I have to stop them..."

Thane's hands came down on her fists softly, enveloping her hands, and she looked up into his dark eyes, looking at her tenderly.  
"Do not hurt over this, Siha," he said softly. "You do things you must, that no one else is willing to do. I cannot ask you not to blame yourself, for I know you will, but do realize that there was nothing else you could have done."

Shepard nodded, looking down at their hands.

"That isn't all that is bothering you, is it?" she heard his voice say softly, and she shook her head. Thane's hand come up under her chin, lifting her head to meet her eyes. After a moment Shepard finally broke.

"She looked so much like my daughter...it felt as though I was..I was..." Shepard started but was overcome by grief and she sank to her knees in tears. She felt Thane's strong arms circle around her and hold her as she shook and cried, her chest aching in pain as it washed through her. It was quiet except for her crying for a while and Thane simply held her. When Shepard finally regained her composure she sat up and wiped her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Thane. I should have handled this better," she said, clearing her throat. Thane gave a small smile as he reached up and held her cheek in his hand.

"We all carry great burdens. Sometimes all we need is someone to be there to listen when they overcome us," he said lovingly, and he leaned in to wrap his arms around her once again.


End file.
